More Signs

Saturday 23 June morning

Yesterday afternoon I needed a dictionary from Lara's office book case. As I took it out, I noticed a motley leather binder behind it, holding a stack of white pages (at least 75) covered with machine script (manual type writer) and edited in pencil in Lara's handwriting. Upon inspection it turned out to be poetry written by Lara ten years before we first met. Lara had always been reticent to show me her own poetry - why, I do not know. It was a side of hers that during our twenty years together remained woefully underexposed, at least to me. It felt as though, now, she wanted to divulge this aspect of her being to me, without having to account for it.

Our granddaughter Yasmin (going on 5) came to the breakfast table this morning with a story to tell, a triumphant glint in her eyes. Oma Lara had paid her a visit during the night! Oma sat down on the bed, she told her parents, and her hair was long. They were speaking Dutch together. Lara had something to tell her, and I recognized her syntax in expressing them at the level of a five-year old. As it turned out, there were four messages. "I want to live." (Ik wil leven.) "I want to be with Opa." (Ik wil bij Opa zijn.) "I miss you very much." (Ik mis je erg.) And: "I will see your mam as well." (Ik zal je moeder ook zien.)

My daughter made her repeat the story two more times, and Yasmin held the line. Then asked her if she had been afraid. No, was the answer. Lot asked if it had been a dream ("images in her head"). No, Oma was there.

Still making the family rounds. Lot seems to have a visit coming.