To Lose

Friday 20 April late evening

"I am not going to lose Toine. Toine is going to  lose me." A few days ago, she had already told me, in French, that I was going to lose her. Tu vas me perdre. Now she added the second half of the equation: she was not going to lose me. But before that happens she insists on returning home. She refuses to die in the hospital, even though she now has a room to herself.

This morning I called around to make arrangements for Lara's home coming. Our own GP, Isabelle Willemot, will take care of Lara and visit her once every day. Three nurses will take turns checking in on Lara during the day. A volunteer will be in the house 24/7 to help manage the household. A bandagiste will deliver equipment on Monday, such as an automated hospital bed, and various other items. We expect Lara to arrive on Tuesday.

Problem is that three times a week she needs transfusion of blood products and those can only take place in the hospital, so transportation by ambulance back 'n forth is required. Lara knows it but is willing to pay that price.

This was a rough day for her. I picked up Gordon and Tanya at the Sheraton and drove them to the hospital. Gordon went up first. later we were there the three of us. Already then she announced she felt herself getting weaker, her eyes were hollow, and she had to take a breath between every two syllables. Still her mind remained clear, she didn't miss a beat and she even managed to crack a joke. We let her sleep for an hour and a half and then went back for a little time extra.

At around 6:45PM Patricia Telford arrived, having travelled up by train from the South of France. Her children were there as well: Robert flew in from Ireland and Tania from England. They stayed until 8:30PM. I called Lara at 9:00PM and she wanted to know how we had liked the Vietnamese restaurant, La Tour d'Argent. She had always wanted to go there, but we had never gotten around to it. You want to go there together, I asked? Let's not get overboard , she said.

By that time Lara was totally waisted. Tomorrow more visitors have announed themselves. People will be flying in from Spain (Liliana), California (Janis and Jeff), New York (Elisabetta, Greta) and Geneva (Louise) and more are expected. I shall have to marshall the schedule rigorously to protect Lara. Also, she and I need lots of quality time together.