Jumbles

Wednesday 11 April evening

Weird patterns of temperature. It rises, then goes down again, making her shiver at one time, then reaching for icepacks another.

She is not the looker anymore we like to remember her as. Her skin is gaunt, wrinkled, her eyes droopy, her hair is starting to come out in clumps now every time she runs her fingers through it. Poor kid. Appearance isn't everything perhaps, but we know it is related to self-esteem and morale. And morale is related to stamina and perseverance. And perseverance is half the mileage that comes with recovery.

Lara, almost subliminally but repeatedly, asked for my kids to come and see her. I hesitate to try and fathom why she asked for them at this precise moment. Some questions are best not pushed to the brink. Anyway, I made some quiet phone calls. Lot is coming Friday; Bouke and Merel Saturday. That will perk her up.

Leslie, her sister, is scheduled to come in from California by the end of the month; John and Marie Zderic, good frineds of the family, around that time also (she doesn't know about it), from San Francisco. Lara will be delighted to see them.

Two days ago I was still taking walks of half an hour; now I can barely make it to the bathroom. She says it with an air of cold analysis and doesn't make it sound as a complaint. But the downward trend is visible to all. She is weaker than she was. Small wonder with the kind of blood stats she has. Lara realizes she has to move, or she will start loosing muscle mass and control sooner than she can win them back. So she really tries to walk, exercise in bed with her elastic bands.

I don't like it that doctors again have to focus on her lungs, now the weakest part of her body. The thought that an infection would be brewing there, or a fungus of some sort, is positively frightening. Her saturation (still around 100 a few days ago) is now down to 95, slowly coming up from as low as 85. Her blood pressure was 100 over 40 this afternoon. She has no appetite, she coughs and vomits. Not an uplifting experience, but that is what it is.

Her mind is fine. She roundly beat me at the Jumbles in the International Herald Tribune, and we went on to discuss the intentions of North Korea.

Since this afternoon Lara has a new room mate, just when she was beginning to relish the quiet atmosphere of a place to herself.